Insights from Nedra Glover Tawwab, Therapist & NYT Bestselling Author

Hi, hope you’re well! Welcome back to Thrivency’s weekly newsletter. 👋🏽

If you know anything about the subject of today’s Community Voices Q&A, then you may be thinking, “How did you score an interview with THE Nedra Glover Tawwab? New York Times Bestselling, 2M+ social media follower having, Oprah-interviewed expert Nedra Glover Tawwab??”

Let me be abundantly clear: I did not. 😂

What I DID get to do is briefly meet her and attend a local stop on Nedra’s tour to promote her new book, The Balancing Act. During this stop, a live Q&A was hosted by another one of the internet’s favorite therapists, Kobe Campbell.

So while I may not have come up with these questions myself, I know that the answers Nedra shared throughout this event can still bring a lot of value to this audience.

Nedra is considered an expert on boundary-setting and building healthy relationships, so her latest work, The Balancing Act, shares practical tips for people seeking deeper connection while maintaining a healthy sense of self.

Let’s dive in to a few of the gems she shared ⤵️

Q&A with Nedra Glover Tawwab, led by Kobe Campbell

Kobe: Why did you write this book now?

Nedra: “Some of us have become “over-boundaried” and I see a lot more people coming into my therapy practice for loneliness.'“

Kobe: When do people typically realize that they’re hyper-independent?

Nedra: “You may become that way at a young age for a variety of reasons as a protection mechanism, but you often continue being this way even when you’re no longer in that place.

As an adult, sometimes you may ask one person to do something and they can’t deliver. But remember that it doesn’t mean that no one can. It may mean that you need more time to find people in your life that you can trust, or identify which person can help address which need.”

At this point, Nedra had the audience turn to page 35 of the book, which begins with a section entitled ‘One Person is Not Enough.’ It provides the important reminder that we need healthy support systems with multiple people. Key word, “people,” because one person cannot fulfill every emotional need, and that expectation may lead to the disappointment described above.

Kobe: What’s a good first step to combatting hyper independence?

Nedra: “Sometimes people reach burn out first and they’re not able to express vulnerable emotions. Sometimes it manifests as physical symptoms, like exhaustion or skin issues.

I would recommend doing an audit of what your time is going to and seeing opportunities where people can step in. Maybe you need to invite people to go with you to things. Or maybe you just need to invite people to come by your house and do nothing. It doesn’t have to be overcomplicated.”

Kobe: How do you know when it’s time to cut off a connection?

Nedra: “I have an entire section in the book about this, but I would remind people that just because you need to deprioritize a certain relationship for a period of time doesn’t mean that it’s gone forever. There was a friend I used to talk to on the phone everyday during her commute to work, but during the pandemic we fell out of our routines and lost touch over time. She came to one of the earlier stops of this book tour, and since then, we’ve tried to get back to our regular calls. That was just a temporary change but it doesn’t mean that we don’t value each other’s friendship.”

This is just a small sample of all the amazing insight that Nedra shared throughout the evening, and in the book she provides much more detail, specific frameworks to follow, and key considerations as we all work toward healthier, more balanced relationships with friends, family, and self.

I was surprised by how willing she was to share personal examples of how she navigates challenges and needs to remember to follow her her own advice. After all, therapists are people too.

Which brings me back to how Nedra opened the event, by describing her expertise as “teaching people how to be in imperfect relationships, with imperfect people, being our imperfect selves.”

If this resonated with you, I recommend checking out Nedra’s work:

If you enjoyed today’s newsletter, it would mean the world if you would share it with a friend, a family member, or your network and ask them to subscribe! We’ll meet back here on April 2nd for the next edition of Wellness News You Can Use 🗞

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